OK, this is the lamest explanation for a market rally I’ve ever seen:

Stocks clawed their way back from a midday rout as banks surged and investors relaxed after Congress stopped grilling Tim Geithner and the hearing for his nomination as Treasury Secretary ended.

In what bizarre alternate reality is the grilling of a tax cheat who is nominated for the position of Secretary of the Treasury a bad thing? (For that matter, what idiot would nominate him? Oh yeah…right–Capt. Barack “Is my inexperience showing?” Obama.) CNBC, you’re embarrassing yourselves.

The real story was Apple and IBM earnings and the financials, although the financial gains are also a bit foolish. Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis bought $1.2 million worth of his banks stock, and if the news of that is all it takes to move an entire sector, well, God help us. Please tell me there was more.

GM also helped out a bit, due to, wait for it…bailout rumors. I don’t believe that any or all of this is enough to merit a 3.5% increase in the Dow.

I’m sticking with cash. Markets like this are for suckers.

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