Forgive me for laughing

(Via Drudge)

Do you know how hard it is to write a blog entry when you’re laughing so hard that your eyes tear up? You’re typing stinks and you can’t see the screen because it’s all blurry.

It’s all because of this article: Ready or Not, Bird Flu Is Coming to America

When you move in some of the circles I do, this is not even old news–it’s more like been there, done that news–and that’s why it’s so funny. I mean, this is like plastic sheets and duct tape funny:

In a remarkable speech over the weekend, Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt recommended that Americans start storing canned tuna and powdered milk under their beds as the prospect of a deadly bird flu outbreak approaches the United States.

(I broke up all over again just cutting and pasting that single sentence.)

Where do you start to fix that statement? If this is the best our government can recommend, then it’s small wonder things are so screwed up in the country.

But enough poking fun. Let’s be useful for a moment. Here’s “The Freeholder’s Nickel Guide to Surviving a Bird Flu Outbreak” (or whatever other interesting disaster life upchucks all over you like a cat barfing up a big nasty hairball on your carpet):

  1. If the feces hits the air handler, the government isn’t going to come rescue you, or at least they won’t won’t do it anytime soon. Be ready to fend for yourself.
  2. Store the food that you and your family eat. You need 3 months minimum; more is better. Note: having things that need refrigeration is a Bad Idea.
  3. Store water and water purification tools. 1 gallon per person per day is the absolute minimum, and that doesn’t get you water for bathing or flushing. Keep a week’s worth on hand; more is better.
  4. Store items for personal sanitation, such as going #1 & #2, bathing and so on.
  5. Be prepared to defend yourself. Those who have not prepared will be very demanding on those who have. Note: a phone with 911 programmed into it does not meet this requirement.
  6. Have alternative methods for lighting, heating and cooking. The power may not be on when you need it the most.
  7. A special preparation for infectious diseases is having masks, various sorts or sanitizers and disinfectants and so on.

Folks, this is Surivialism 101. If you’re not up on this, Google can help you out, as can some of the links (especially to Frugal Squirrels’ place) over on the left. Good luck, because you’re now playing catch up.

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