No longer will G.I. Joe be a U.S. Special Forces soldier, the “Real American Hero” who, in his glory days, single-handedly won World War II.

In the politically correct new millennium, G.I. Joe bears no resemblance to the original.

Paramount has confirmed that in the movie, the name G.I. Joe will become an acronym for “Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity” — an international, coed task force charged with defeating bad guys. It will no longer stand for government issued, as in issued by the American government.

You know, Paramount can just kiss whatever naughty part of my anatomy they care to pucker up to. And they’d better watch out–all my old Joes are going to load up in that jeep and trailer and start road-tripping for Hollyweird. And there’ll be hell to pay when they get there!

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